How To Get Rid Of A Minmei
by CdnJAGScribe
Summary: Minmei meets a fitting end. Robotech AU. Now a multi-chapter with various ways to end Minmei's pathetic existence. Re-rated M for mature themes.
1. Oh Sh!

"How to Get Rid of a Minmei"

Author: Haruo Chikamori

E-mail: n/a

Rating: M

Classification:

Spoilers: N/A

Summary: Commander Fokker intensely dislikes Minmei and her insipid little songs and Minmei meets a very fitting end.

Author's Note: Since my friend inflicted Robotech on me many years ago (during the 80s – yeah, I'm THAT OLD!), I've had this intense dislike for Lynn-Minmei and her insipid songs. I get the feeling that outside the civilian populace, she was barely tolerated by those who served in the RDF. I go AU after this and Roy Fokker doesn't die in my fics. Never did like Roy's death despite the "character building" that it did for Rick.

DISCLAIMER: Robotech is the sole creation of Harmony Gold Productions in conjunction with Tatsunoko Production Company Ltd. All characters are the property of Robotech and its creators.

_**Prometheus Wing Command**_

_**UEF SDF-1**_

_**April 2010**_

_And the thrill that I feel, is really unreal…_

_I can't believe I've come this faaaarrrrrrr…_

_This is my time to be a staaaarrrrrrrr…_

"**What the hell!**" growled Commander Roy Fokker as he shoved his papers across his desk as he aimed a malevolent look at the radio. He then decided to throw a baseball at the radio on the shelf that was blaring away Minmei's trite tune. That particular tune seemed to have taken a life of its own and was making its way around the SDF-1 much like the H2N7 virus had inflicted a severe case of the flu and sent several of his aviators to sickbay after severe dehydration. "I can't get away from that crock of shit!" He muttered acerbically to himself as he tried to look over the ever mounting files on a new set of recruits coming in from the latest round of basic training. The unfortunate radio died a sudden death when the baseball impacted with pinpoint accuracy right on the speaker. The radio threw some sparks and ceased playing, when there was a knock on the door, the ball bounced off the remains of said radio and onto the floor where it rolled about two feet and stopped. "COME IN!" barked CDR Fokker. The door opened to admit a rather dishevelled looking black-haired, blue-eyed young man in RDF flight suit who took one look at the radio, shot a look at Roy and then back at the radio, then down to the baseball on the floor.

"So, what happened to the radio, sir?" 2nd Lieutenant Rick Hunter said as he stepped into Roy's office warily looking at the baseball lying casually on the floor. Bending over, he picked up the baseball, and returned it to Roy who extended his hand to receive it.

"Didn't like the song." Commander Fokker retorted at Rick Hunter's query which prompted an eyebrow raise from Rick. "If it isn't that talent contest winner the Macross radio station is playing, it's either Celine Dion or that two bit YouTube hack from Ontario Quadrant that bamboozled his way into a career off of singing cover R&amp;B songs." Roy aimed a disgusted look at the radio, "Don't they ever play decent stuff on the radio anymore?"

"Hey, I don't think Minmei's that bad. And neither's Celine Dion." Rick replied, rather insulted that Roy would think of Minmei's singing as trash. "Of course, I don't know anything about that Bieber kid."

"Kiddo, you're only five year older than he is. And even so, I think you'd probably know he doesn't have a shred of talent." Roy waved his hand dismissively. "Anyways, back to business. I've got a ton of files here of the new trainees who've completed basic RDF training and are being sent to flight school which I'm supposed to keep track of. I've also got a set of files here on those who have completed flight school and are set to be rotated to a squadron. Based on the losses we've been inflicted with from constant alien attacks, we're going to rotate these into Skull and Vermilion. I want you to go through the files and see which aviators you want out of this selection and I'll take the rest. Got it, Little Brother?"

"You got it, Big Brother." Rick grinned back at his old friend and former Flying Circus partner. "I'll take a look through them and give you back the files of the ones I'm not selecting for Vermilion." He flipped Roy a thumbs up as came to the position of attention.

"Alright. Dismissed." Roy nodded his head as he returned to administrating the files for operations of his own Skull Squadron.

_**Zentraedi Forces**_

_**Power Armor Division**_

_**The Quadronos **_

Miriya Parina looked at the controls on her Power Armor as she rocketed away from Commander Azonia's cruiser. "Micronians…pathetic puny insects." She said to herself as she moved towards the Micronian infested vessel, what Ts'en Breetai had called Zor's craft. "Quadronos, on me!" she called out as she exhorted her squadron to form up on her Power Armor as they attacked en masse.

Each Power Armor unit maneuvered in a precise section of space as briefed prior to their launch. This enabled the Zentraedi pilot encased in the Power Armor to fire missiles at will without harming any of her team-mates. The Zentraedi war code was strict; failure was not to be tolerated – in fact, failure oft-times was punished by death whether by execution by firing squad or just simply fratricide; a superior would just level a weapon and blow the offending perpetrator away.

In the Quadronos, however, failure was looked upon as an opportunity to learn to achieve one's objective in a much more comprehensive and effective manner the second time. Yet, even in the Quadronos, persistent failure would involve the superior meting out death. Miriya was a rare exception in the Quadronos, she had never once met failure. She was relentless in her battles and an ace pilot whose kills were so numerous that they, if kept track of individually on the Power Armor itself, would have the entire Battle Armor entirely in kill markings.

Miriya grinned humorlessly as she witnessed the Micronians fly out to meet them in battle. This would be bloodbath. Twisting in a spiral she pulled out of a spinning dive as three Veritechs rose to meet her. Spinning she slapped one across the canopy in close quarters shattering and venting the cockpit to the airless void which immediately killed the pilot - the result being a floating sarcophagus. Miriya ignored destroying that Veritech in favor of going after the remaining two that were harassing her with cannon shots. Firing foot thrusters through the intake of a Veritech in Guardian mode which was trying to switch to Battloid immediate vaporizing the Veritech, she spun to aim her fist at the remaining Veritech and fire three rockets point blank at it sending it into a pretty plume of vaporized fragments. _Three more kills and many more to come_. _For the Glory of the Zentraedi Forces_, she exulted as she drew ever closer to the Micronian infested vessel.

However this one persistent blue Veritech pursued her. He flew like an absolute demon. Needless to say several Quadrono died under his guns that day and Miriya's fists tightened on her controls as she fought down a red sea of rage as she swore vengeance on that Blue Veritech and its pilot. She had trouble keeping him off her tail and she was finally forced to slip through the open hatch of the Daedelus into the interior of the Micronian vessel, the blue Veritech hot on her heels.

_**Inside SDF-1**_

Civilians scrambled for the shelters as Veritech pursued Power Armor in the "sky" above their heads. Rubble rained down on their heads as the alien didn't bother with avoiding buildings, but just blew right through them.

Minmei was on her way to the hospital when she looked up in terror as she saw the alien stop overhead and launch several missiles back at the Veritech pilot who fired back. Seeing the missiles impact the Power Armor and the foot thrusters wink out, Minmei decided to run to avoid the falling Power Armor. Unfortunately for her, it was a little too late as she realized that she miscalculated the size of the Power Armor descending upon her. Her last exhortation as she realized that she was going to be crushed was a very unfeminine "Oh…SH-!"

Miriya's Power Armor smashed into the ground sending fragments of pavement every which way and raising a dust cloud. Any cars in the vicinity of her crash were also crushed into hopelessly un-repairable wrecks. As Miriya got to her feet, her emotions reeling and seething with vengeful anger, she screamed at the Veritech. "You wish to do combat, you puny fool!" Seeing an overhead hatch open, she took the opportunity to retreat. Failure eating at her every move, she ordered the Quadronos to retreat.

_**Back in the SDF-1**_

Max Sterling stepped forward, his Veritech in Battloid mode, as he looked over the site where the alien craft had crashed down to. The fragmented pavement bore a splotch of what appeared to be blood, smashed bone and hair. Safely ensconced in the cockpit of his Veritech Battloid, Max sadly shook his head and said softly to himself. "Rick isn't going to want to hear this." Firing thrusters, he hovered over the site turning the crushed form into ashes.

"Rest in Peace, Minmei." He uttered as he hit afterburners and flew out through the still open opening in the roof of the civilian city nestled inside the SDF-1.

****THE END****


	2. Hey Boss

"Hey, Boss"

Author: Haruo Chikamori

E-mail: n/a

Rating: M

Classification:

Spoilers: N/A

Summary: What if Ben didn't die? Another 'let's get rid of Minmei' fic.

Author's Note: As you can tell, I really, really, really HATE Minmei.

DISCLAIMER: Robotech is the sole creation of Harmony Gold Productions in conjunction with Tatsunoko Production Company Ltd. All characters are the property of Robotech and its creators.

_**New Macross**_

_**After Kyhron the Destroyer's Attack**_

Smoke; acrid, bitter and choking drifted across the ruins of the SDF-1 - A smoking funeral bier for the dead. Rick couldn't contain the choking feeling in his throat – tears in his eyes as he gazed up at the structure in which Lisa had died; where only hours before they had worked…where she had lived. When she had appeared at Rick's house where she had burst out her love for him, he realized just how much it was that Lisa had agonized over his trysts with Minmei. He also realized just how much he had hurt Lisa in the process. And it seemed the smoke mocked him with the fact that the odor of death hurt his throat just as much as the realization that the love of his life had been taken away from him.

"Rick". Could it be that Death itself was taunting him with the familiar voice of Lisa echoing out of the smoke. He looked up through the fog of tears in his eyes and he saw a shape through the smoke. "Rick." What he thought was an apparition spoke again. He looked up to see it walk towards him. As the smoke swirled away from the figure, he realized that it was Lisa Hayes in the flesh as she walked towards him.

Shaking, his hands reached out cautiously for her, still thinking in his mind that it was an apparition. "h-h-h-how?" he stuttered as Lisa reached out to him with an all-too real flesh hand to cup his cheek as if to reassure her own self that he was still alive, her own shoulders shaking with grief and unshed tears.

"At the last moment. Admiral Gloval…and Claudia…" she coughed harshly trying to dislodge the lump in her throat. "forced me into the ejection module." Overcome with emotion, she turned to gaze upon the SDF-1, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Rick…they wanted _me_ to live." She turned back to him, her red-rimmed eyes locking with his, her gaze intense. "They said that _I_ was the only one who still had anything to live for!" At this last statement her carefully barricaded emotional façade crumbled as she turned to him crushing her face into his chest and sobbed. Rick just held her as the cascade of emotion ran its course.

"I thought I'd lost you." Rick said, his own voice a whisper as his throat was just as tight as Lisa's, as Lisa nestled in his arms, gaining consolation from his nearness. "Just when I realized just how much you mean to me." He tightened his embrace as Lisa looked up at him. "You do have something to live for – we both do now."

"Hi, Rick." Minmei's voice caused them to start and reflexively, Lisa and Rick pulled away from each other.

"Minmei." Rick's voice was civil.

Their conversation was short but to the point. Minmei realized all of a sudden that her life was singing, which Lisa doubted – Minmei was probably just trying to cover the fact that she lost Rick.

The conversation was so intense that they didn't notice the creaking of a Battle-Pod stepping up to the conversationalists. It just happened to impact Minmei right in the small of the back as both Lisa and Rick gasped. The light brush of the massive foot launched Minmei, screaming, in a parabolic arc into the now radioactive lake.

Lisa and Rick had their lives pass by in a flash before their eyes as the Battle-Pod came to a stop beside them. Was there a rogue Zentraedi in the pod? And Rick wasn't in his Veritech. No weapons within easy reach. The hatch came open.

"HEY BOSS!" Ben and a few of his squad members shouted from the hatch. "We found a BattlePod that works!"

*****THE END*****


	3. Ah Choo!

_**Breetai's Battlecruiser.**_

_Author's Note: I know that for the Factory Moon episode that Minmei and Lynn-Kyle were not on board Breetai's cruiser, but for the AU of this story, please consider the deviation. _

Lord Breetai was not feeling well at all. Ever since the Micronian contact, he'd been nursing a nasty virus that made him feel congested and feverish and in a Zentraedi that could be a major problem. And then Admiral Gloval had notified him that he was going to be receiving a contingent from New Macross, in the contingent were his former second in command, Exedore and the famed Micronian-Zentraedi couple: former Quadrono Leader Miriya Parina and her Micronian mate Maximilian Sterling. Also included in the contingent were Commanders Lisa Hayes and Rick Hunter.

Also for the sake of the mission, Lynn Kyle and Minmei were pulled off their New World Tour to help the mission succeed in the recovery of the Factory Satellite. Her cousin was in no way amenable to the fact that this mission was to help the Earth and made his objections loudly and vocally known to the point where Admiral Gloval had exploded and thundered at Kyle to be silent. Contrary to expected, Kyle had shut up.

"Micronian shuttle approaching, sir." One of the Zentraedi announced "Commander Breetai."

"Very well…" The itching in Breetai's nose was very discomforting.

"Sir. The Micronians are boarding the battlecruiser, sir." The Zentraedi stated about fifteen minutes later.

"Thank you, Dror." Breetai replied as he raised a massive hand to pinch his nose to keep from letting loose a thunderous sneeze. The last time the force cracked the observation bubble and it had taken several-Zentraedi individual-hours to fix. (Despite the fact that the Zentraedi were subservient to the Robotech Masters, the Zentraedi themselves had to learn how to fix certain things on board their ship to operate at prime effectiveness."

When the Micronian contingent walked over the walkway, they could see Lord Breetai, a massively brawny built Zentraedi standing well over eighty feet tall.

"Miriya Parina Sterling…" his voice boomed over the echoing observation bubble. "Tsen Parina! Par Dessu!" he said as he thumped a massive fist the size of Rick Hunter himself to his chest.

"Par Dessu, T'sen Breetai." Replied Miriya with a solemn nod of her head. To her it seemed that Lord Breetai was unwell. His countenance on his brown-shaded face looked ashen and it appeared as though he was perspiring heavily.

Both Lynn Kyle and Minmei were shocked into silence at the size of the Zentraedi.

"Commanders Hunter and Hayes. I welcome you to my ship." Lord Breetai said in a reverberating basso profundo. "I'm afraid I must have caught something from the emissaries that have been here previously. So I hope you will forgive me if I do not linger long."

"Thank you, Lord Breetai." Rick and Lisa replied as they gathered their things and were escorted out of the area. Minmei and Lynn Kyle decided to linger for a brief moment as they surveyed the enormousness of the bridge. It was as if they were standing on the edge of a five storey building. It was a long way down.

Minmei looked over to see poor Lord Breetai convulse once, twice…as he tried to hold in a gigantic sneeze. This wasn't going to be good.

"AH-CHOO!" Breetai let loose a gigantic sneeze which blew Minmei and Kyle unfortunately over the edge of the walkway. Breetai was unable to catch them in time as they fell screaming into the now cracked observation bubble from where it was almost 600 feet down to the floor of the ship. Staring down at their still crushed forms from which blood pooled. "I believe we now do have a problem." Breetai intoned and then sniffed once as he tried to keep himself from sneezing again. "I do feel that we should ask the Micronians if they have anything to help this, since I received this from a Micronian."

****The End****


	4. Wishbone (warning: M-rated)

_Author's Note: Yep…another two fer one. Yes, I know…this is horrifying. That's why this fic is an M-rating. _

_**Three Hundred Miles North of New Detroit**_

_**Khyron's Battlecruiser**_

"Rol!" Khyron the Destroyer laughed ominously. "Tell me a little more about this Micronian holiday called Thanksgiving." Rol looked at Khyron quizzically. "I want to know more about this Thanks-giving."

Rol had lived amongst the Micronians long enough to have seen a few Thanksgivings come and go and figured he had an idea of what the holiday was about. "My Lord Khyron, Thanksgiving is when one gives thanks for the food and the shelter that one has. Evidently it started a long time ago at least in what was now known as the United States when the Pilgrims emigrated to that country (now a major formative power in the UEDC) and gave thanks that they had food and shelter and their lives in a ceremony in 1621 after being there for over 100 years. In the Ontario Quadrant, Thanksgiving started almost 43 years earlier after a Martin Frobisher tried to find a waterway to the Arctic known as the Northwest Passage in thanks for surviving the long journey from England (now the European Quadrant) through the perils of storms and icebergs."

Khyron grinned, satisfied with Rol's explanation. "You are an excellent teacher, Rol. Ah…after what we do to the Micronians when we leave here, believe me, the Micronians will have themselves yet another reason for Thanksgiving. Provided any of them survive, that is." His resounding laughter assailed a Micronian couple encased in a series of utensils forming a cage (a makeshift prison made up of forks jammed in a semicircle onto the surface of an enormous table and a bowl set on top of the fork ends to enclose the cage). "Don't fret, my little pets. You won't miss Thanksgiving, we'll be having a little celebration of our own." His purple-complexioned face leaned down to them. "Yes…we will have our own little Thanks-giving." His laughter rang throughout the ship and Lynn Kyle and Lynn Minmei shuddered. Turning to Rol he asked. "What are some of the customs associated with this Thanks-giving."

"The main one is the Feast." Rol said as he recounted the massive feasts that he had partaken in with what he regarded as his former Micronian friends. There was plenty to eat, however he had fast grown weary of the lack of fighting in the Micronian culture and he had returned to the Zentraedi way of life rejecting all the peacefulness that Micronian society offered. He was a warrior through and through and Khyron's battlecruiser and those within felt like home. "There is also another tradition called breaking the wishbone of the turkey. It is a Y shaped bone in the turkey. Two Micronians take part in this. One taking one _leg_ of the _Y_ shaped bone and then the other taking the other. Evidently they pull it apart after they each make a wish. Whoever ends up with the biggest part of the wishbone ends up getting their wish granted."

"Ah…I see and how big are these turkeys?" Khyron asked, an evil smile starting to form on his countenance. Rol lifted up his massive hand, his pointer finger and thumb almost touching.

Khyron frowned. "Ah…that won't do. We wouldn't be able to see the wishbone to even partake in that form of the ceremony. However…a substitute will have to be found."

Lynn Minmei had a sinking feeling that this did not portend good.

"Azonia!" Khyron bellowed causing Lynn Kyle to start. "Create a feast. We are going to celebrate that Micronian holiday in our own fashion!" His laughter again rang throughout the ship. Azonia looked over at Khyron as if he was out of his mind but it didn't matter. What Khyron wanted, Khyron got.

_**Much later**_

The feast was a success. The food (what reconstituted portions of protein that the Robotech Masters gave as food supplement for the Zentraedi) was turned into a feast so that Khyron and the rest of the Zentraedi members of the battlecruiser staff could eat their fill and they did.

"Ah…We'll give thanks that we are still alive…to wreak vengeance upon the Micronians and we shall have our revenge. Soon!" Khyron exulted as he looked upon his staff. "Now…what shall we use for the wishbone." His eyes lit upon Lynn Kyle with an evil expression "Grel, Rol, you demonstrate" he said as he reached in to the cage to grab Lynn Kyle by a leg. "Show me what they mean by the wishbone! Evidently this is large enough for us to see."

"AHHHHHHHH!" Lynn Kyle screamed "You're hurting me!" as Khyron passed him over to Rol who ignored his pathetic squealing. "Oh. God, please don't!"

"Nooooo!" wailed Minmei. "Don't hurt him!"

"Alright." Rol said. "You take one leg, Grel, I'll take the other." Grel did so. "I wish for us to leave this planet and never return."

"OK…I wish for us to enjoy this time of camaraderie and prepare for the battle to come." Rol made his own wish. The agonized scream from Lynn Kyle that came when they pulled was amplified in stereo sound by Minmei's scream from the cage. The unmoving bisected parts of Lynn Kyle dropped to the floor.

"Ah…good." Khyron said. "Azonia…grab the little songbird. It's our turn now."

Minmei didn't stop screaming for the rest of her short life.

****THE END**** (evil laughter)


End file.
